first impressions make my hands sweaty.

It’s so gross.

I’ll never master the art of an introductory handshake because my palms are more concerned with perfecting their impersonation of a slip ‘n slide. 

Let’s avoid the splash zone and cut right to the chase:

I believe art (in general) makes life warmer and fuzzier (aka better). I’m actually the only person in the world who thinks that. Because I’m so special, I’ve made the brave decision to dedicate my entire existence to creating things *hold for applause*.

I like words so much I talk almost every single day. If a sentence were a person, I’d marry the living daylights out of them, get a divorce, then marry them again. I want to write things forever and ever until death do us part. I’’m not afriad of typos. Reading the dictionary is my guilty pleasure.  

I’m passionate about anything that’s even a tiny bit funny. I’d love to spend the rest of my wee little life trying (and maybe even succeeding???) to make people laugh. If you resonate with this, I love you so much (sorry if that’s too forward). 

Oh my gosh. Now we’re besties! Let’s get brunch.

call me beep me @ 512-466-3370 or emily.hen134@gmail.com

• My favorite food is bread. Yeast please!

• I secretly love when people accidentally tell me a story they’ve already told me before. Like, yes! Encore!

• I do not understand the appeal of the flavor “spicy” unless we’re talking about sparkling water.

• I had a massive crush on Linguine from the movie Ratatouille when I first watched it. It was around that time I learned the heart wants what it wants and anyone can cook.

• I know it’s a drink for men and for men only, but I feel comfortable admitting on my very own website that I like to drink whiskey.

• I feel real and true jealousy towards my dog because she’s prettier than me.

• I think……no…..I’m ultra positive turtlenecks are superior to all other items of clothing. “Steve Jobs” is synonymous with “Fashionista.”

• I do not believe in parallel parking. It’s embarrassing.

• Pedicures make me nauseous. Gag. My toes officially declare a restraining order against literally everyone.

• The only thing that makes me feel better when I’m sad is putting on winged eyeliner. My problems just kinda fly away if you know what I mean.

• I like to play soccer, but only because people being competitive is hilarious to me.

• I have only one dance move. But it’s mine. So no copycat-ing at the club.

• I can’t jump in a pool without holding my nose. Like a little bitty baby.

• Telling people about the dream you had last night is actually cool. More of that, please!

• Every day I try to be myself because everyone else is taken 🤪